I’ve been nursing for almost two years now. In March, I will have completed my second year of struggles and snuggles. It hasn’t been easy, let me tell you that. But, no matter what I’ve gone through to accomplish what I have, I don’t think of myself as better than anyone who hasn’t made it this far with nursing.
I’m not better. We all go through our own struggles.
For me, it was months of huge semi-digested puddles of milk covering every inch of me. It was going through many sessions with specialists. It was sitting in a disgusting bathroom on the toilet, next to a dirty mop bucket at work while I pumped to keep my supply up before I started working fully at home. It was going through weight loss and weight gain. It was (and still is) the judgement for going so long. It is constantly being attacked by a thirsty toddler in public. It is wondering when the biting is going to stop. It is wanting to go a whole night without having to get up to nurse. It is not being in control of my own body and giving it to someone else.
But, it’s also amazing. It’s beautiful. I feel blessed to have made it so long.
Every morning, I get to cuddle my little girl and look into her smiling eyes in such a close way. Every nap time and every evening, I get the same. It’s an amazing thing to be able to snuggle my beautiful little girl who is growing ever so quickly.
Sure, I’ve gone through a lot to be where I am with nursing, but I wouldn’t trade a single moment of it. It’s worth every single second I get to spend holding my baby girl in my arms.
I’m not as lucky as some moms who just get snuggles willy nilly. No, I have to work for them. So, maybe I don’t really breastfeed for the nutrition benefits, but instead for the quality time I get with my daughter. And frankly, I don’t feel a bit bad about it.